Bottom Of The Barrel

Office Speak 101

Ever wonder what co-workers are really trying to say when they use cubical speak? Here's a handy guide to the truth behind the words:

Let's think out of the box usually means let's all get really creative and come up with a truly unique idea. What it really means is I'm screwed and haven't come up with a new idea in 5 years. Can anyone here bail my ass out and give me an original thought?

I need someone who can hit the ground running is a phrase is common in hiring situations when the hiring manager wants to hire a new employee who can contribute on day one. In reality this screams I am really f'ed now and I need so much help that I don't have time to train the right person.

Do you have the bandwidth is heard when a task is being delegated and is used to determine if a person has the time. energy and knowledge to complete said task. Of course the person asking the question isn't really asking if you can but rather if you can get your head on straight and pull yourself together long enough to get a task done.

Let's hit a home run can be heard in a project kickoff meeting signifying that project manager wants the whole thing to go off without a hitch and for it to be super successful. What the PM is really saying is that he is desperate to look good and I need this to really work to save my job.

My plate is full is used when one no longer has any bandwidth to take on new assignments. What it really means is the worker is drowning, over their head and probably looking for another job.

Let's touch base next week is commonly used to end a phone conversation indicating follow-up communication to keep everyone up-to-date. When a person says his phrase you should be hearing I don't want to talk to you now and it's up to you to get back to me because I won't have time next week to try and track you down.

Keep this on your radar is used to indicate something is important you should keep your eye on it but in reality you should hear this is going to come back and bite you and me in the ass so be prepared.

Good luck thinking outside the box while keeping things on your radar, unless your plate is full of course.

posted by TheWino @ 9:30 AM