Bottom Of The Barrel

Reasons the new Knight Rider sucks

The original Knight Rider was campy and corny but totally worked in the mid 80's. Now NBC is attempting to resurrect the franchise with Michael Knight's son and a brand new KITT [Knight Industries Three Thousand]. After watching the pilot, here are the reasons it will be off the air before the end of the World Series:

3. The Cast.

The cast is just too darn pretty. We are to suspend belief and just accept that chiseled chin, super black ops trooper Michael Tracuer is the son of Michael [Mitch Buchannon/Germany's Favorite Singer/Heavy Drinker]Hasselhoff or that smoking hot Sarah Graiman [Deanna Russo]is the off spring of Charles Graiman [Bruce "A face only a mother could love" Davison]? The rest of the primary cast [which consists of either government officials on hand to watch over the project or really, really smart people who help run KITT] are also way too good looking for their jobs.


When will Hollywood stop casting models as nuclear physicist. I would rather see the guys from The Big Bang Theory running the lab instead of this group. The only plus in casting is Paul Campbell [Derek from the failed pilot Nobody's Watching] who looks and acts more like a nerd than a hero.

2. The Plot.

Instead of being a privately funded public justice program, the new Knight Rider is a quasi-government super agent program. The pilot's plot is so thin, that while escaping from a botched assignment, KITT takes a missile where the car is covered in an inextinguishable burning plasma. Since the inside temperature of the car is rising, the stars of the show are forced to undress [only to their under ware mind you] to stay cool. Yeah it will be the thin cocktail dress that would kill her. I guess it must have worked because before the lead characters pass out from the heat, they are not even sweating.


I'm not sure the writers even understand that the premise of the original show was "The Lone Ranger with a car". The new Michael has a side kick, government agents assisting and a team of people at the home base. And on top of that, they don't even know how to use KITT within the story lines or story within Knight Rider universe. In one scene, KITT informs him that a car is approaching but instead of blocking the on coming car or getting Michael inside, KITT sits by and watches a ex-black ops chick hop out and give Michael a quick beat down and she takes his target prisoner and drives off. In the very next scene, Michael and KITT are unable to catch a sick looking Bentley convertible [but he was able to have a full blown conversation with Sarah along the way] even though earlier they were able to crank KITT up to 377 miles an hour to try and put out a all consuming fire on it's shell.

Beyond the whole car problems, the show also falls into too many action/drama pitfalls. First you have the opening chase scene where numerous "guys in black" try to stop/detain our hero. Luckily he is a fighting master and can knock them all out with a couple of quick punches and kicks. For those he can't, he just runs away [with sweetheart Sarah in toe - in high heels no less] and luckily for them the bad guys can't shoot for shit. These guys couldn't hit the side of a barn from the inside. Are all evil organizations made up of shooting club's rejects? Must be because these guys are masters of spraying walls with rounds of bullets from automatic weapons but can't hit a single person along the way. Also the whole will they/Won't they hook up story between Michael and Sarah is a tired. It should honestly be retired unless your going to give it a real twist, like giving new meaning to the term "A guy who really loves his car".

1. The Car.

Firs off, a tricked out black mustang sticks out like a sore thumb. Yeah the original was an all black Pontiac Firebird Trans Am but there was something cool about the car's simplicity with all of it's power hidden in plain view.

Having all this new style in a Mustang body is only the beginning: Apparently the new KITT is really advanced. It is a transformer [so far we have seen Attack Mode and Pickup Truck Mode - which also includes subway track tire mode, ugh]. What's next, Helicopter Mode? Oh never mind, KITT can fly too and has an awesome Fast and the Furious under mount with a glowing KR logo and everything, which is silly since the car is named KITT and the driver's initials are MT.


Speaking of having everything, did I see a hospital in the glove box??? I know KITT is very advanced but a whole emergency department in the glove compartment? Sure that works fine when a guy gets his thumb cut off but what if Michael had a broken femur that needed to be set? I'd like to see him get his whole leg in that small compartment.

Lastly is the use of Val Kilmer as the voice of the new KITT. Not that it's him but viewers are expecting something from the Iceman, but all we get is a monotone compu-voice - which we should. It would work better with an unknown, a voice over actor or why not just hire William Daniels to reprise his role, he's still alive? I guess maybe they were just helping out a friend since Kilmer's last 4 films - Columbus Day, Felon, Delgo or Conspiracy - are all ones I'm sure most people have never heard of.

In the immortal words of the Original Michael Knight, KITT they need you buddy. So one better jump in and help or this show will be gone faster than a black mustang with turbo boost.

Labels: TV

posted by TheWino @ 3:51 PM